We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
