you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
