3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
