i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
