I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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