saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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