Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
