And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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