the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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