There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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