dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize