So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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