she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
