Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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