My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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