so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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