coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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