Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
