I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
