Christians are straight up FREAKS
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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