so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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