we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
