there's paper in my vomit.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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