As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
