I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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