you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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