I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
