Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
