4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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