i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
