also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
