It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize