perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
