lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
