I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
