Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize