I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
