I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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