"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
