we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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