I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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