Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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