my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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