ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
