I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
