dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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