using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
