Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
