I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
