She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
They took my balls.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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