Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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