We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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