By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
