I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
