I just saw a hot homeless man
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
