i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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