oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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