I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
