Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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