My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
His hands were made for my vagina.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
