Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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