A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
