I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
