so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
