I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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