I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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