fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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