she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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