I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
